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Within the grieving process, which includes pre- and post-mortem, there are many facets. Those facets, or angles, are dependent on the circumstances of death and length of time since the unfortunate incident.
Who Did You Lose?
In speaking with those who are grieving I have found that no two people grieve the same and topics are vast and varied. That of course is because of differing circumstances. Did you lose a child, a spouse, a parent, a sibling ,or a furry friend? Some were hopeful upon diagnosis and others were fearful. To lend clarity, some were more hopeful while some exhibited more fear. I talked to someone that was very fearful at the start of the diagnosis. That changed as time went on for the response to treatment was very responsive. Me, I was very hopeful, but we were not very responsive to treatment.
Was the Loss Anticipated?
Sometimes we look around and see Grandma (pa). They are 90+ years old and yeah, we want them to live to be 100. That person put you through school and always slipped you a $20 bill, even when you were 50 years old. Or it may be as tragic as good ole Uncle John getting shot on a hunting trip. Some losses are anticipated while others are not. A sudden loss offers no chance to say goodbye, the shock may last longer, and it is more likely to have been the result of a tragic accident. http://www.thegrieftoolbox.com/article/sudden-loss-5-ways-it-differs-expected-loss#
Although both are sad, sudden loss can understandably be a bit more devastating than an anticipated one.
What Do You Miss Most?
An approaching spouse with one heck of a sparkle in their eye, will always be missed. Oh my goodness! Grandma singing and dancing to the Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy from Company B! Or could it be a sibling coming to the rescue (again) by settling in your mind and heart that you can conquer your latest endeavor. It could also be not what you miss more but something that you can never forget, like an educator. You didn’t know the difference between a spatula and a spoon, or a thermometer and a stethoscope but now you are the head of a department. Our fondness and respect for our educators should at least mirror the admiration we have for our military leaders!
What are your biggest regrets?
The obvious, is that our loved one is no longer here. One of the biggest regrets I have heard is the lack of a will. As we all know, probate court may not address the will of the decedent. And I am sure we have all seen situations where the wishes of the decedent were not honored. Not because they were not known but there was no paper will to respect. https://modernloss.com/avoiding-family-conflict-with-no-estate-plan/
Nowadays there is software that you can use to draw up a will without the help of legal counsel. Which is okay for a lot of people. It isn’t as though most people are millionaires so the software on the market may save the living quite a bit of grief while allowing the deceased to rest in peace.
Feel free to post topics that you have experienced that will be helpful to others that are now walking in your shoes. Also let us know if you have any useful topics. It may become the Topic of the Week!